I had been given many opportunities to express myself physically, mentally and emotionally while on trail. Conversations seemed to cater to other’s needs and whimsical flavors. I had come to realize I did a great deal of observing life from a distance rather than actually living it. Although I knew I had found my path, or what had seemed to be my path at the time, some things were still missing. I still had a void in my life and in my perspective of it. I could not define the purpose. Why had I been so intrigued and utterly driven to complete such an undertaking, and at the time in my life when all was changing so rapidly. I spent a great many hours conversing with the Great Spirit, in hopes to have some sort of revelation.  Nothing readily had become of these conversations. I was actually somewhat irritated with this fact. One companion had asked what is it I was going to do having completed the trek.

Obviously, I had not considered it, as I had no immediate reply to give him. It did however lead me to much inner searching as to a purpose in my life and as to my future. We had a great deal more conversation on the subject as we progressed mile after mile. At one point he had stopped, stood still and just gazed at me. Normally, I would have not even thought about it, but for some reason this time, I had the feeling something was about to give way. Altogether unsure of his motives, I also stopped, frozen in that moment of time, silence had befallen us for the first time in several months.

 What transpired next, I could not believe, nor am I convinced it ever happened...

Out of nowhere, as if plucked from the winds, he stated “You my friend are a counselor”.  Excuse me, I replied. “Yes, with a pause; my friend…you are a counselor” where did that come from I asked.  He turned away from me at this point and had begun to fumble with some object. He then began to explain and justify his comment. I had to ask myself was I that transparent, and blind to my own self worth, what was it that he could see that I was unable to. He again turned to face me, and I nearly fell on my ass. He had literally morphed into an older man with long grayish white hair, clad in jewels of turquoise, and wearing many necklaces sporting different objects.  “Have I startled you, he asked”. He began to express his own observations of the last few months, defining exactly what he saw and heard transpire between all of us on trail. Ok at this point I had become somewhat concerned as to whom this individual really was. Why had he recalled point for point our transpired actions, comments, etc. so vividly and with much detail. Hell, I could barely remember what my last meal had been, yet he could recall every small detail of the entire trip thus far. Had my mind been absorbed and all thought succumbed to inadequacies?  Who or what was this morphed object, surely I must have been hallucinating. I knew that last water break was a bad idea.

He very politely invited me for a sit down. I disrobed the gear from my back, and took the opportunity to sit among the trails outcropped rocks overlooking a grand vista of trees, lakes, and beautiful sky. He ever so calmly asked...”What do you see here?”  What? I exclaimed. “What is it you truly see here?” I began to express my immediate thought of trees, lakes, etc. Before I uttered word number three he stopped me. No! He exclaimed... No, I asked.  “Look again he said... This time with your heart, not your eyes. I want you to close your eyes, take a breath, and feel what it is you see”. Ok, now this was different.

I had this incredible sense of peace wash over me, almost to the point of gasping for another breath. I remember seeing flashes of times past, events in my life, memories of the hike to that point, and all of a sudden it dawned on me…like someone had slapped my face in an attempt to get my attention. Within what seemed like eternity, I could see myself in the future. Flashes of messages about peace, unity, about hope and care, about individual and personal growth. I had been reborn in that instant. I had this immediate feeling of having my bloodstream flushed of all impurities. I could sense all things around me. The smell of the earthen ground, the feel of the ever so light breeze cascading  and dancing on the tiny hairs of my arms, I could hear the animals cries and shrieks , I felt completely at ease with no concern for safety. I had been placed in a world where all was ok. Everything had come together, and encircled my being. I recall hearing his voice as it faded saying “you are part of this earth, you share your spirit with all living things, you have been given the gift of life from the creator, go now, live your life, and benefit all living things” hearing my name “Grizz”…hey “Grizz, Better get a move on we’re loosing light” I opened my eyes, and he was gone. I was again looking at my traveling companion for this leg of the trek. A sudden chill had befallen me, and as I glanced again over the land, I noticed a feather had been dropped directly in front of me, and slightly to left.

I was unsure as to what had just transpired, but knew if I had made mention to my companion, he would have taken off on a dead run for anywhere but next to me... So I took a solemn deep breath, regained my composure and proceeded to re-rack the pack and get underway.

Wow, Fred, this is amazing stuff... It was great to read about how you got the name "Grizz" - I always wondered about that. And the experience you had with the elder and the feather... OMG.... That is so far beyond cool that I can't even find the words to express my responses to your experience. All I can really say is that I wish things like that would happen to me.

I can't wait to read more about your life, Fred; it's certainly been interesting and enlightening so far, that's for sure!